‘You’re so needy”.
That’s what she said. So I recorded a podcast and denied it. Challenged the accusation. The truth is, I’ve never been so needy and clingy, and insecure and indecisive and wobbly in my whole life.
I can’t send an email without asking ChatGPT to check it a million times.
This is all part of the healing journey; I know.
To lose both parents within six months and then leave your house to travel around the world with no plan leaves you feeling unsettled. Scared. Anxious. And living with your kids 24/7 is wonderful but weird.
This podcast almost got deleted. I watched it back, with curled toes, feeling incredibly embarrassed about how I’d shown up.
Bolchy and bitey. Snappy and sarcastic.
Horrid to Bri.
You see, I entered the episode assuming my husband was telepathic. That he’d say exactly what I wanted him to say.
But he didn’t, so I got mad.
Am I needy? I asked needily. (Please say no, please say no, please say no).
“Yes. He replied. “You are.”
I was so embarrassed. I tried to think of something witty and smart to say back. When that failed, I acted defensively. Ending the episode with a few stringy thoughts that came from God knows where.
A day or two later, I watched the conversation again, this time through the eyes of self-awareness.
Against Brian’s protective advice, I decided to publish the episode. Hoping that by showing myself, hiding my insecurity behind a load of waffle when (in truth) all I wanted was for my husband to take me in his arms and whisk me away on a stallion, might help someone else.
So here it is.
This is a very honest conversation between a husband and wife, sharing who we are and how we do life.
Sharing our healing journey, our extended sabbatical, our world-wandering, and our transformative search for “home”.
Sharing this space and time with you is both a tonic and an honour.
Thank you. You save us a fortune in therapists.
Love and oneness.
Liz and Brian x
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Liz and Brian x
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Links:
📕 Liz’s new book: You Won’t Just Cry When They Die: Love, Loss and the Heartbreaking Reality of Grief. If someone you know is grieving and struggling right now, please let them know they are not alone.
I wrote this little book as a gentle companion for myself and others who are grieving. The book is available for purchase on Amazon: https://amzn.to/4uUcRGM
The AUDIOBOOK is available via my website: www.elizabethdeacle.com Liz’s first book:
📘 Liz’s first book: The Travel Bog Diaries – one woman’s confessions of surviving family travel is here: https://thetravelbogdiaries.com
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