Yesterday, whilst groaning, (it’s obligatory) my teenage son accused me of “Never saying what you really mean..”
Ohhhh, my boy. Don’t go there. Not today. Not when my meditation app has just told me to smile. From my eyes and my heart. Don’t give me conflict today. Pllleeaasse.
But, as usual, we continue. Along our jolly little ‘nearly 16-year-old’ way. Me, the shouldn’t get drawn in Mother, and him, the Son. The lovely young, but also you understand, sagacious, (16 in June) Son. And so, I attempt to answer. To justify this outrageous accusation. But before I do, I explain that I have to get a splinter out of my finger and rush to the sanctuary of the bathroom, at which point I sit on the bath and have a good long think.
Can you imagine It? If we Mothers, wives, daughters, friends, spent our whole lives saying exactly what we wanted to say. It would either be complete bliss or; we would find ourselves rocking in the corner. No friends, greasy hair, muttering the words over again, “I only told the truth. I just told the truth…”
You see, it’s not that we lie to our children per se, is it? No, we just …a little bit don’t tell the truth to them. Say words. Those words that don’t really count as lies. Those untruths. There. Untruths. That sounds more literate and therefore far more intelligent and kinder than lies, much more justifiable. Little Untruths.
What I really wanted to say when ‘Mr. Clever Clogs I’m nearly 16 and so know-e-v-e-r-y-thing-there-is-to-know-about-e-v-e-r-y-thing ‘ was,
“Ahh, Shaddap”.
No… grow up, Liz. Your 46, not 9. I wanted to say
Actually…, NO.
Shaddap was what I really wanted to say, but…I didn’t. I couldn’t.
“You never say what you really mean.”
My God. He’s right. I’m a compulsive chronic liar. I’m one of those who doesn’t even know that they’re doing it.
Tell me. Enlighten me. Is it just me because I’m a homeschool mum with far too much teenage company on my hands, and therefore feel an obligation to spice things up a little in the trust department? Or do we all tell our children these glorious little-coded untruths?
What we really mean when we say to our kids…
- ‘Look in the middle drawer in the kitchen’ (I’ve thrown it in the bin)
- ‘I can’t remember’ (I’m not telling you)
- ‘Have you used that new shower gel I bought you yet?’ (Get washed. You smell)
- ‘I’m going for a walk with Dad’ (I need someone to moan to. About you.)
- ‘Why don’t you all go and pick blackberries?’ (Go away. I want to surf the internet on my phone for half an hour)
- ‘I’m just going to the toilet.’ (See above)
- ‘I think so …Yes’ (I haven’t got a clue who or what you’re talking about)
- ‘What was Y’s Mum doing when you went over to his house last night?’(Tell me she was sloshed on the couch with an empty bottle of wine)
- ‘Why don’t you have an apple if you’re hungry’ (Those crisps will make your spots worse)
- ‘It’s been lovely these past few days without any distractions’ (I’m ecstatic that your computer’s broken)
- How do I add a tag to this photo? (I do actually know how to do this. I just want you to feel sorry for me. For once)
- ‘Do you prefer me with long hair or short?’ (I’m a hormonal wreck going through perimenopause, just say I look gorgeous with both.)
- Want to come for a walk with the dog? ( I love talking to you)
- ‘Act your age; you’re nearly 16’ (OMG you’re nearly 16. Please don’t leave home)
- ‘It’s 11 pm! I don’t want to hear about your drama rehearsal’(lay down and let me stroke your hair)
- ‘You’re driving me mad’… (I love you).
Our little world of cryptographic language.
Maybe we do hide behind our words. Never saying what we really mean. Making life more complicated than it needs to be with all our untruths.
Right then. Time for a change. I’m turning over a new leaf. As from now, I’m telling the truth, the whole truth, and nothing but the truth. No more underlying – excuse the pun – interpretations. No more, ‘guess what I mean what I really really mean .’
No.
The truth.
But maybe I’ll just leave out the bit about the spots.
And the smell.
And the fact that I broke his laser pen.
Just tell him I love him.
And stroke his hair.
And tell him I love him.
Some more.
Oh i love this post. so honest. great list. I’m dreading my 2 girls being teenagers!! #thelistlinky ?
Thank you ! There are some great things about having teenagers too … I just can’t think of them off the top of my head ??
Oh I think we have to be so careful telling the truth. That’s part of the problem with a certain person in America, he just says what he thinks, says what is the truth to him (not to the rest of us!) and doesn’t think of the consequences. Yes, I think I will carry on with my little white lies, especially the one I roll out about school when my kids are moaning – “but I loved school. They are the best days of your life” *cough*
Yeah, right !!! Thanks so much for #friday Frolics … I’ve only been blogging for 3 months and it’s exciting when you meet like minded women ( and men) keep up the good work Emma x
Lovely post. Beautiful and funny. My favourite kind. I don’t think you can get through day to day parenting without a few white lies! Thanks for linking up to #FridayFrolics
If I told you them the truth, they’d probably never speak to me again! Sometimes it’s all about keeping the peace 🙂
Exactly !! Imagine the mayhem if we went round telling the truth !! Bring on the wee white lies I say …?
Yes so many untruths! Ah the sending the kids off to look for something you may have – definitely – thrown away! Thanks so much for joining us for #FridayFrolics
Thank you so much for joining us at #tweensteensbeyond. It’s great to have you here Liz. There are so many reasons why I love this. At first I though ‘what does she mean?’ And the penny dropped. Yes, in that very way you describe. Yes I do it. Oh I could write a book but I’ll spare you on this occasion. Yes, the washing and smelling – if you say anything it’s mean. Yet they don’t pull their punches when it comes to us do they?! I can’t bear the guilt of saying what I mean sometimes – the little feelings – that’s a lot to do with it too. Just brilliant!
No Nicky… they certainly don’t pull their punches! My tween says to me ” why are your bottom teeth all yellow?” I wanted to say because I drink too much bloody red wine to get me through to Friday but instead I said ” yellow teeth are stronger than white …” ooohhhhh… it’s a good job they can’t read our minds…?!
Thanks for your comment X
That’s made me roar!!!!! ???. And you homeschool too. I’m forgetting this. You are hardcore Liz!!! This reminds me of a man with no teeth who once tried to sell me a teeth whitening kit!!
Either hardcore or soft in the head … I’m trying to work out which one?! ?x
Oh this is just fabulous!! With three teens in this house I completely hear you! The shower gel one really made me giggle. I’ve said the same!! Oh and the food one – the thing is my girls have become too clever and reply with “you calling me fat?!” er no! Great to find your blog xx #ablogginggoodtime
Yeeessss!! The old calling me fat is a beauty… you really can’t say right for wrong… maybe that’s why you see old people just sitting in a hair saying nothing. .. years of practice!?
Thank you for commenting,
Liz x
What a conundrum, right?? Maybe we only speak the truth, but also if you don’t have something nice to say, don’t say anything??
🙂
Jodie
http://www.jtouchofstyle.com
#ablogginggoodtime
I’ve tried that Jodie but unfortunately the zip in my mouth is broken and keeps coming loose…? I’ll see if I can get it fixed!!
Liz
Aaaw what a great post! We really do have code for so many things. This one made me chuckle and panic at the same time: “‘Act your age; you’re nearly 16’ (OMG you’re nearly 16. Please don’t leave home)”. #ablogginggoodtime
Thank you Lucy. I’m constantly torn between frustration and panic… they drive me crazy at times but life without them seems unbearable. ❤️ still working on those emotions!!
Liz
Liz I am so glad you decided to join us, it’s lovely to have you on board on our merry ship! I have to say that my teens would probably say that I do say too much of what I mean which I am afraid I have inherited from my parents. I am very much a black and white person with no grey. Obviously there are some exceptions as I would never want to hurt their feelings but sometimes you just have to say it as it is for it to sink in, like if after 4 or 5 times of asking my 18 yr old if he is having a shower he still hasn’t then I have to resort to “you smell”. Well done you for being so diplomatic for so long and good long with the new strategy! Hope to see you again. #TweensTeensBeyond
Thanks for reading Jo. Remember, I’m quite new to the teenagers … I expect by the time he gets to 18, I too will just say” get a job you lazy sod” instead of “why not ask at the corner shop if they need anyone at the weekends…”
?great linky! Thanks jo x
with 4 boys, 1 still a teen i gave up a long time ago lying and just told them the truth….’go out you’e doing my head in and i want to talk to your dad about your behaviour so i don’t end up yelling at you Popping over from #TweensTeensBeyond
Yes,I can imagine with 4 boys you would! You deserve a medal my friend ?thanks for reading!
Ahh I loved all of this. I have read lots of posts about teenspeak, it’s brilliant to see one for parents. I definitely don’t speak my mind and end up biting my tongue a lot. I don’t want to start World War III. Thanks so much for joining us at #TweensTeensBeyond
I bet there’s a lot of us parents with sore tongues at the end of the day! Thank you for reading,
Liz x