Eavesdropping on conversations is the best.
I know, I know. You think you have the perfect child, we all do. And they are; perfect I mean. It’s just that… you know that saying ‘ don’t tempt fate’? Well, it applies to all of the following points. So Parents. As desperate as you are to blurt out these statements, Don’t.
- “He is such a good sleeper”.
Granted, at the moment this is very convenient. Not for you getting up at 5 am to put the telly on. No thank you. We have a routine. We have this sleeping thing nailed. But, be warned. At 15…you can’t get them out of that same bed for love nor money. You long for a day, just one, when they’ll get up out of that stinking pit before 11 am. I’m still waiting.
2. “She eats anything. Her favourite is vegetable korma”.
That’s because she’s strapped into that chair with no way of escape. It doesn’t last. The Nigella Lawson pea risotto is a thing of the past, and will instead be replaced by the never-ending question: “does it have mushrooms in it?”
3. “He loves it when I play classical music in the car. I think he’s going to be a composer.”
If you’d rather listen to Adele than Baby Beethoven, do it. The only thing he will be composing in the car at 15 is a text. And guess what? You’re not part of it, so keep your eyes on the road . And , whatever .
4. “She’s already using her pincer grip.”
Believe me. When your girl reaches 13, and you see those thumbs whizzing over the Instagram keyboard at a hundred miles an hour, you’ll wish she’d kept those beautiful chubby fists in her mouth. Don’t encourage the use of fast fingers. Put mittens on until she’s 20 if necessary.
5. “He’s saying Dada, but I’m teaching him to say, Mama!”
Don’t. Once it starts, it never stops. Just leave it. Let Dada take the blame.
6. “She loves her big brother.”
Make the most of this one. It seems that when a pair of siblings enters into the dark void that is teenagerism, they make a secret pact. “In front of Mum and Dad, at least, we will hate each other .Especially at dinner time; just to ensure their dinner goes down in lumps.”
7. “I’m taking him to coffee mornings. He needs to socialise.”
If your idea of sitting in a big circle with a load of other knackered parents, staring and comparing little blobs, mashing, mushy banana (if you’re healthy) or digestives (if you were me) into their bibs, then go ahead. Honestly ? Go round to Grandmas, (if you don’t have one handy, there’s always the old people’s home down the road), make yourself a cup of tea, get a magazine (preferably not on good parenting), and let her hold and coo for an hour. Socialising done. And don’t worry, in 15 years he will have 1023 friends, on Facebook.
There then . That’s it for starters, but, be warned. As the years go by there arrives loads more. All the time. However, at least you’re in the ‘know’ now . You’re in the proper parents’ gang. You see, they don’t tell you these things at antenatal class, it’d seem a bit scary wouldn’t it? “Heres a free nappy, oh and by the way, anything good that happens? Just ignore it, it doesn’t last”.
So, new parent. Next time you’re stood waiting in line and someone asks how the new baby is, just say, ” naughty as hell ” that way, you’re not setting yourself up for future disappointments. Not only that, but you’ll keep the nosy old bag, the one listening to your conversation behind you, happy.
All true.. BUT … the next stage is one you will treasure for as long as you live. Be patient, like labour,it passes and in 20 years you won’t remember what annoying little swines they were!!xx
Reblogged this on It's a Drama !.
Oh this is brilliant. I hate those baby brags, sorry, news ;-). Although, I am now dreading the teenage years but also excited about the fact that I might get a lay-in then. Thanks for joining us #FridayFrolics
I’m so glad I came across your site 🙂 it’s amazing isn’t it ? … the thousands of blogs that are out there and yours caught me eye with your beautiful photography and your heartfelt words . I hope that if you do give New Zealand a try one day you will look us up … it’s a wonderful place ( looks a lot like jersey actually !!) thank you for taking the time to read my blog and comment x
Thank you for reading ! When it’s just your mum and brother reading your blog it’s wonderful when a person that isn’t on the relative list gets to read your ramblings !! Loved your blog x
Haha – yes I agree! Absolutely hilarious listening to the utter crap people spout (and realising you did the same!) Thanks so much for joining us for #FridayFrolics
Not looking forward to those teenage years. #BloggerClubUK
They’re not all bad !! … honest ?
Oh I love having teens, they have me in stitches (although I try not to laugh in front of them), that said, I do love listening in to those new parent conversations and feeling very smug 😉 #DreamTeam
I love them too. Honest. ?!
Lol luckily I say that anyway when the little old ladies ask me ‘is she good?’ – not sure that’s the answer they’re looking for! 🙂 #DreamTeam
Haha, spot on observations X #bloogerclubuk
Thank you lovely x
Haha, I love this takedown of new parents…I think everyone’s guilty of it with their first baby. I’m on baby number 3 and my only brag is likely to be that we’re both fed and dressed and alive (just).
#BloggerClubUK
I know I was! And like you, I feel proud if I change their bedding now ..! Thanks for reading Sadie x