My son is leaving home.
In two weeks time my boy, my firstborn, Sonny, who I adore more than life itself is leaving our home and going to live in a flat with two other guys.
To say that I am heartbroken is an understatement.
Every day, for the past two weeks I have woken up with a tight clenching knotty feeling in my stomach. It’s hideous. Like a Rotweiller that refuses to let go.
I get out of bed and go into the bathroom and I sit on the loo and cry my eyes out quietly.
I don’t know if this is normal. This reaction. Probably not. This has never happened to me before so I don’t know. All I do know is I wasn’t expecting to feel like this.
I have never understood the term ’empty nest syndrome’. Not until now, at least.
I used to look at other mothers who still have their kids at home past the age of twenty and think they were a bit weird. That kid needs to move out. Cut the apron strings.
But now it’s happening to me and I feel as though my world is falling apart.
He’s not even going far. Only into town. He’ll be right there. But I don’t care. He’s leaving.
And yes, I hear you, Tessa, when you tell me that he will probably be home again in two months.
And thank you, my sweet girl, you are mature past your years.
But right now I can only see today and I am terrified of being without my entire family unit. It has always been us four. Always. I can’t bear it.
Two weeks of feeling like this. But you didn’t know, did you?
Of course, you never knew. Because I didn’t tell you.
You may have seen me on TikTok or on Facebook. You may have read my chatty emails. And you didn’t know that these past 14 days I have been putting on a big fake front to hide the fact that my heart is breaking in two and all I want to do is take my family and run far, far away.
“He had to go some time. They can’t stay forever. You wait until he’s been gone a week, He’ll soon realise which side his bread was buttered”.
I don’t care. I don’t care. I don’t know if any of these things are true but still; I don’t care.
I probably won’t publish this post, this string of jumbled words that I am typing rapidly on my keyboard with tears streaming down my face.
But if I do, it will be for one reason only.
Because I want you to know that the person who smiles or waves at you from across the street, or sends you a happy emoji on Facebook? That person who cut you up at the roundabout or ignored your friend request? They’re probably going through shit.
They probably woke up crying.
They probably sat on the loo at eight o’clock in the morning and wished it was bedtime.
They’re probably going through a huge change and adjustment. Feeling like their world is ending.
So please remember. We are all the same.
It happens to us all. Noone is immune to sadness. It’s shitty and it hurts and it’s horrible to go through. Let’s always strive to be kind.
I have just read your post about your son leaving home and would just like to say a BIG THANK YOU. Thank you for being honest in expressing your feelings and letting others know how it feels like when the time comes for your child to leave home and that it is normal to feel upset. You know that it will happen one day but you would never expect to have such confusing feelings – to be happy and proud of them, but also how painful it is for you at the same time. So Thank You for writing it, as I was feeling pretty much the same as you felt, but reading your blog has made me feel better knowing that others go through the same.
Oh Debbie…Thank you so much for this lovely, kind comment. Being a parent has to be one of the most challenging jobs in the world emotionally…everything is constantly changing isn’t it?
I’m not sure how you came across my site but I am so glad that you did!
I notice that you are not on my private email list? This is a weekly email that contains my most provocative material and is only available to subscribers. If you liked this post then you will LOVE these emails. I’d love for you to sign up, the link is here (or if you would like me to add you manually I am happy to do that for you too – just because you have made my weekend ☺️)
https://itsadrama.com/bookemail/
Thank you again Debbie, I really appreciate you reaching out!
My two oldest boys (19 and 18) moved out within weeks of each other in Feb 2021. I smiled, waved and said “Go, go. Take care and have fun.” But inside my stomach was knotted and I felt bereft. They are only eighteen months apart in age and had always been a pair (in my eyes anyway, in theirs, probably not so much). One went to flat in Wellington (we are in the Hutt Valley), the other to Uni in Christchurch. When the one from Christchurch comes back for a wee holiday, my heart sings but I have the same knot the day before he leaves again.
It is so hard to adjust to a different family life and, as kids grow up, things constantly change. Sometimes I long for the days when the kids were small, but then I slap myself and move on, gratefully looking at what I have at the moment.
And all this, busy with six kids still at home! So it’s not necessarily an empty nest thing, it’s more about the moving out of a precious piece of your heart.
So there we are together – sad but immensely proud. Glad I stumbled across your blog.
Dear Jodie,
Thank you so very much for sharing this beautiful insight into your life. I feel you girl, I really do and to know that it’s not just me that went through this heart-tugging pain means a lot to me.
PS: I am currently on holiday with my kids in Greece. they are flying back to NZ in July and we are staying in Europe until Oct…I bet you know what I mean when I say the heart-tugging has already begun!! Just trying to be positive and appreciate every single moment.
Sending you much love my friend,
Liz x