There I was, going along my merry little homeschool mum way. Innocently believing that I was doing a quite good job for a Thursday when out of the blue, I get the new and unexpected accusation of being judgmental thrown at me from my soon to be a thirteen-year-old girl. She talks about
her wanting for more independence and me not delivering those opportunities.
Hmm…thinks me. Here’s a new one. Goody. I need something to keep me on my toes.
Independence. Welcome new attribute to my daughter’s existence.
Now, I needed to be clear. Were we talking ‘catching the bus home from town alone’ here? Or how about ‘making dinner without having to ask what number the oven should be on?’ Or, was it more along the lines of ‘let me throw my sails to the wind and circumnavigate the world single-handed?’ (I know she’ll do this one day)
see ya losers
I wasn’t sure of the correct answer but whichever one it was, I didn’t say it. Of course, I didn’t. It’s me, remember?
I made up my mind that from here on in, I would no longer be Mother Gothel. The wicked Mother, locking her poor homeschooled daughter away in the house on the hill. No. I was going to make changes. She’d see a new me. She was going to have her much needed independence whether she knew or liked it or not.
One big parenting mistake later.
Fast forward to yesterday.
A trip to the doctors. Nothing serious, which makes it kind of worse. At least in England, it’s free for the nothing serious visits. If you’re going to pay $15 you at least want a bit of chicken pox or tonsillitis. Get your money’s worth.
I was late. Of course, I was late and had already been told by the receptionist when I telephoned that there’d be an hour wait.
I had to get my dependent girly to her singing lesson at 3, and it was already 2.05pm. I was well, let’s say, I was… edgy.
I pulled into the carpark. No spaces. I looked into my mirror and saw an old couple crippled over in pain heading for the sliding doors. The waiting receptionist lady sitting watching us both through the doors, over the top of her computer screen. Firstly at them and then across to me. Smiling. With her stopwatch.
You know that saying, ‘you can take the girl out of Britain, but you can’t take Britain out of the girl’? Well, I’m ashamed to say that the Brit in me decided to rear her ugly head. Leaning over, I opened the car door and practically kicked my poor dependent child out onto the pavement.
“Go and get into the queue. Now.” I hissed. all the while keeping a beady eye on the advancing appointment contenders and their walking sticks. “I’ll go and find somewhere to park.”
I’m revving on the accelerator now.
” Nooo” Wails Miss independent “They’ll ask me what’s wrong and everything. Let me back in…”
Me: (peeling her fingers from the door) “No. They. Won’t. Get in there. Now”
Miraculously, the pair of biddies started to straighten up and began to get a bit of a wiggle on. I watched. Horrified, as they glided past my stationary car through the sliding doors like Ginger Rogers and Fred Astaire. I’m sure the old woman gave me the finger.
She’s back in the car now, my girl. Back into the safety of Mummy’s cosy little cocoon.
Let’s freeze the scene for a moment.
I’m now going to tell you how NOT to behave when you are a parent. The following is what NOT to say to an already embarrassed teenage girl. Are you listening?
Unfreeze.
Me: What on earth is wrong with you that you can’t get out of the damn car, go into the doctors and tell the receptionist your NAME and that you’d like to see a doctor?”
Her: I told…
Me. Interrupting, shouting over AND wagging a finger. Always a winning combination.
“No, no, no. NO. (that’s a lot of nos) Never mind that. I don’t want to hear it. (Just as well really as you’re drowning the poor girl out). let me tell you, (please do) if you’re not careful you’ll turn into a weird, freaky kid ( I know, delightful isn’t it?) who can’t hold a conversation with someone.” (Unlike you Liz, who is quite clearly an absolute winner with words.)
There. I Said it. And it’s too late to take it back. Gone.
Silence.
Silence is the worst. Silence means she’s taking it in. I try to make a funny comment about the biddies. Nothing.
I apologise. Of course, I apologise. Still, nothing. Probably too stunned. “A weird freaky kid?” It’s not what you expect from your parent, is it?
After a long deliberation, she retaliates. That’s my girl! Knew she wouldn’t be able to keep the silent treatment up forever. Too much of her mum in her. Poor sod.
Game back on.
“You are so judgemental.”
Ouch.
To be honest, I was almost relieved.
I was half expecting, “p*ss off you psychotic, lunatic nutter.” Hands up, I deserved it.
Judgemental. I think I can handle judgemental.
I drive down the road. Towards the singing lesson, pondering my new title and trying to work out how I always seem to get it wrong.
Judgemental? Judgemental?
I want to say,’excuse me young missy, but I am NOT judgemental’. I go to open my mouth in protest but incredibly, unbelievably, managed to stop myself. There’s a first.
Back to the title of this post.
” How to avoid being labelled as ‘judgmental’ by your teenager.”
The answer?
Next time your daughter has a rash on her leg, stay at home and look on the internet. You’ll save $15, and you know it will only be viral. It’s always viral. Even I can tell you that.
Either that or…
Shut your mouth. For ten years. Do not speak. Ever. The end. You’re welcome.
Oh Lizzie ! How much do I love getting these through, always make me smile.
Love you mum xx
Well you made me laugh in your retelling! #coolmumclub
Glad I made someone happy! Thank you for reading x
I have been in a rush with my kids and I have behaved in similar ways that caused them to call me crazy and mean. The crazy I understand because I kind of am but when they say mean, that always hurts and makes me stop in my tracks. And yeah, it makes me shut my mouth for an hour lol.
An hour?? Wow, give me some tips young lady! ?that’s right, we aren’t mean are we? Or at least it is never intended to be that way, usually its with the best intentions and then it all seems to go a bit wrong..! Thank you for reading x
This sounds so much like my daughter. Granted, she’s a year older, newly turned fourteen, but she’s the same way. “Mom! I want my independence!” She’s not quite ready to fly on her own yet, but she’s getting there. Then again, she’s also a public school student (my only one) and leads a different life than a homeschooler.
For the record, I’ve also been called judgmental by my daughter, well, not exactly in those terms. My daughter was much more wordy about it, but it was the same general context. Good luck!
It’s so hard isn’t it?? It seems to me that the term judgmental is the new ‘hip’ word, I’ve heard it a couple of times now!
Thanks so much for making me feel it’s not just me! X
Hey! I have the answer to mothering teenagers! My oldest is a 16 year old girl! I have done extensive research and interviewed experts and thought leaders! You wanna hear it? Ok, grab a pad and pencil so you can write it down. Ready? You will never win…You will always be wrong…She will not understand (most) of what you are trying to teach her until she is in her thirties and she wakes up one day and says, huh, Mom was right!
Ha! Look, I know how you feel! We ALL have those moments! You are doing a great job! Honestly, showing her that you make mistakes too is a good thing!!
Enjoyed your post!!!
#ablogginggoodtime
Oh my gosh-just saw how you wrote a post about not being cool in your forties…I JUST wrote one about how to know you’re not cool!?!?!
And I’m 41.
So I guess this means we are friends now. I’m subscribing!:))
Hello my friend! Great minds think alike?x
Ha!ha! I believe you, I really do! Thanks so much for reading and for your lovely comment! X
Yup, just be YOU and YOU are uncool.
–uncool homeschool mama of 3! Teenage girls (& 8 yo boy who doesn’t know I’m uncool…yet)
That’s right mama! Coming from a girl who knows I bet ?
Thanks so much for reading!
X
I knows it, and I may or may not have used harsher words at time. And I may or may not think that dropping them off in queues at appointments is routine (develops independence;) and I may or may not require them to have real jobs outside the home when they want independence;) But of course, I have no stories to report. (Until they’re all grown, then the book gets published).
Such a funny story! I don’t think you said anything out of line which probably means I’m in for some interesting teen years with my two girls! Argumentative and outspoken, and that’s just me 😉
Thanks so much for sharing with #coolmumclub
Thank you for the reassurance! Thank you for reading x
Oh I feel your pain. In Jersey,Channel Islands we have to pay for docs visit every time too. £47 a go! I think. I only ever go if I can’t see out of my eyes anymore. Last year I had the flu and only went after a week of muttering “it’s fine, not serious, just a cold” in between shouting “my eyes, the light, my eyes” and vomiting. You tell this brilliantly though and this line had me howling with laughter – “Ginger Rogers and Fred Astaire. I’m sure the old woman gave me the finger.” Brilliant. #FridayFrolics
Thank you for your lovely comment! It’s a killer isn’t it? Good old NHS.. even if you were shoved in and out in 2 minutes…at least it was free! ?liz x
Oh, how I fear the teenage years! The drama now is beyond what I ever imagined. I am scared! Yes, you homeschooling mama, have scared me. I must invent the magic potion that keeps them in the single digits, forever elementary and un-hormonal! Of then, I would freeze my age too, and the Mrs. Well, now I know what I’m doing this weekend. #FridayFrolics <3
You can’t. Whatever you say it will be a) wrong, b) nothing like your friend’s parents would say as they all let their kids do what they like and c) judgemental. Just own your judgement whilst mentally apologising to your own parents for all the hard times you gave them! This is hilarious. My life in a post.
Thank you so much for reading! Spot on about the friends parents…they let their kids do e-v-e-r-y-thing…?
haha … brilliant! Please see my latest series – #parentingwin vs #parentingfail. I think you have some cracker stories to share! The link is on my blog. I want to share one story for each occasion on one blog post. Let me know if you’re interested. x
#stayclassymama
Sounds exciting! I’m off to bed now as I’ve had a busy weekend with daughters birthday but can’t wait to read more about it tomorrow! I don’t think I’d have any #parentingwin tales though! ? thanks for considering me and thanks so much for reading! X
It’s so funny how we forget how insecure teenagers can be! I was the same at that age, I could never make appointments over the phone! Until I was about 18!!!! But you’re not judgmental, you’re just a busy mama with lots going on! #bigpinklink
Thank you for your lovely comment and thank you so much for reading x
Everyone tells you it gets easier, but it really doesn’t. Always new waters to navigate! Thanks for linking up to #FridayFrolics
It’s true! Just when you think it’s sorted..?
I dread the teenage years with my daughter! My sons im not worried at all but she’s already a drama Queen at just turned 5!! Great read! 🙂 #twinklytuesday
Be afraid… no not really!! My sons 16 but seems easier in some ways but not in others…we never seem to be able to get it right hey?!
Thanks so much for reading! X
And what a shame for us that you aren’t here Liz! I know exactly what you mean – these kids are all ‘mouth and no trousers’ to quote an old expression! They can interrupt any adult conversation and make you look foolish but ask them to have a helpful conversation to save your car space and you are on your own! We all have these moments, say the wrong thing, judge (no we don’t – oh yes we do) and as for racing people to be first in line – well! Wonderful post – very funny and one to which I can relate #tweensteensbeyond
Exactly Nicky! Thank you for your lovely comment x
hehehe! It’s the way you tell it….This made me laugh out loud!
Sometimes whatever we say is wrong. We can’t win. x
#TweensTeensBeyond
True kim! Thanks for reading ?
Hahahaha! Well she wanted independence! I’m always in a rush with my kids. Always. And when I’m in a rush, I flip out and say things I really wish I hadn’t. But I wanted to comment on your $15 copay. That’s fantastic! Mine is $30 if they’re “regular ” sick, and $45 if we need to see a specialist. #twinklytuesday
I think it’s because she was only 12 at the time! She turned 13 on Saturday so I believe it now goes up to $30… another reason for me to look on the internet! X
I’m pretty sure our health care system in the US is one of the most expensive in the world, so it might just be us!
No judgement over here, I have no idea what it’s like to raise a teenager….yet…but I’m pretty sure I will eff it up somehow lol, for starters I keep saying shit in front of him (he’s one and a half) and I’m pretty sure he said it the other day Eeeeek! Thanks so much for sharing with #StayClassyMama!
I hope you did what I used to do ..” shit”
“Mummy! That’s swearing!!!”
“What?? Noooo mummy said look at that big ship! Oh it’s gone now, never mind”
This actually gets you out of the shit and at the same time sends your child into a flood of tears for missing the big shiny ship. Mummy can then give lots of kisses. It’s a win win! X
Oh my God Liz you are SUCH a breath of fresh air. I snorted. You are me! I am you! Holy crap we went to the SAME school of parenting. Who knew! WHEN are we going to meet? Australia, Malta, the distance. Ugh. And that last line. I peed myself laughing. #coolmumclub and #stayclassymama !
Oh Prabs… what a lovely comment ? yes, it seems we did go to the same school. I keep emailing them and asking if I can come back and do the resits but they just say “No. You should have paid more attention. Stop bothering us. You’re too old…” oh well! I wish you lived in New Zealand, we could be best friends and our daughters are exactly the same age ( I could even homeschool them together and then they’d both know absolutely zilch. But together!!!)
Absolutely zilch but together. Ha ha! I’m now checking my Google Analytics data for NZ wondering which of the listed areas you live in! The home schooling…I swear I’m tempted given how unhappy my eldest is xx
I’m sorry to hear that Prabs. It’s so hard isn’t it? You seem to sort one set of problems out and then something else pops up. I hope your beautiful girl gets through… you can always come to Taranaki?! ( I wish!) x
I can’t wait until I have teenagers…not!! Love your telling of this story! Thanks for linking up with #TwinklyTuesday
Thanks so much for reading! X
Sent too soon! Getting excited about that little day dream…! Thank you so much for reading Prabs xx
Haha! My kids are only little, and I already sometimes reach the ‘oh my god why can’t you just do the one simple thing I told you to do’ stage. And, oh the non-specific viral rashes! I never knew such a thing existed until I had children!
Thanks so much for joining us for #FridayFrolics
I know it is always viral! Gosh don’t you hate when something comes out of your mouth and then it is like Oh My Gosh WHY??? And we can’t undo what we have done! My daughters 13 now and it scares me to death thinking of the more independence she is gong to want, ask for and demand as her right! #TweensTeensBeyond
I know… you just want to grab the words and stuff them back into your mouth!! Thanks so much for reading!
I totally get this. Ours is 17, thinks that she is an adult, but still wants me to order for her at a restaurant. #TTB
? that’s it isn’t it?!
Liz this is such a familiar scenario and I have to stick my hands up to being that mum who has said probably more than once to her teens if they don’t do something “what is wrong with you?” My eldest is the worst and will shy away from any situation where he has to speak to someone. Bizarre really because he is never short on words at home. A very funny read and welcome to the world where teenagers are the ones who are always right. #TweensTeensBeyond
Thank you Jo! X
I couldn’t love this more!!!!! I am the queen of frustrated slipping out words that make me appear unhinged at best!! #tweensteensbeyond
Unhinged… yes! That sounds so much more sophisticated than hormonal bi*tch from hell!! Thanks so much for reading! X
I have had hundreds of variations of that conversation. Basically the one where I have verbal diarrhoea and have spewed so much horrible mummy indignation that I always end up apologising. Totally feel your pain! Great post as ever! #TweensTeensBeyond
Thank you Alissa! It’s like you can almost see the words reaching their ears in slow motion and you just want to pull them back into your big fat gob, but it’s too late…!!
Absolutely brilliant post and one that sums up life with a tween/teen perfectly. My “I’m old enough to come home at midnight” 16 year old will not answer the door to the post man which has seen me label her as ‘lacking in social skills’ on many occasions. You are not alone! Thanks so much for joining us at #TweensTeensBeyond
Oh that’s so true!! When they were little they would fight over who answered the phone when it rang, now… well. It’s a text, a meme, a streak but it’s not a damn voice on the other end..?