Not YOU Again…The Pitfalls of Being Together 24/7

Not YOU Again…The Pitfalls of Being Together 24/7

Imagine travelling with your spouse for six whole months.

Living together, working together, sleeping together. Skipping along the seashore holding hands. Discussing what brilliant ideas you can implement into your online businesses to generate even more cash. 

What joy.

Laughing together. Planning together. Smooching below the stars…Never once saying “Why are you wearing THAT disgusting T-shirt again? I hate it. It’s hideous.” Or: “Oh, do me a favour will you and button it. Who do you think you are? My ‘effing Mother?”  

No. Never saying that. Uh-uh.

 


 

 

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We’re all guilty of it…

We’re all guilty of it…

Every day I watch as my son makes breakfast with one hand.

It is quite genius.

One hand cradles the phone while the other fries eggs, makes toast, and opens a tin of beans.

One eye turned left, and the other turned right like Egor in a chefs hat.

I saying nothing. I am calm and composed. After all, the boy is 20 years old. He has seen life. He has moved out, broke my heart, and moved back home. His old flatmate refused to do his laundry. 

Once my son’s eggs are fried, and his toast is buttered on the right side, he takes to the stool at the kitchen counter. He props his phone against the teapot or maybe my hormone tablets box left there from the night before and begins to eat.

And watch. And eat. And watch. And eat.

From what I can tell, he enjoys neither of these activities.

He experiences a watered-down version of a breakfast that could be memorable and a show that could be funny.

If he turned off the phone and enjoyed the sensation of those squishy little tomato beans bursting between his teeth, he’d be happy.

If he held off on breakfast for twenty minutes and watched, with both eyes, whatever it is he’s consuming on Youtube, he’d be happy.

But he doesn’t. He tries to do both. So he misses the funny bits of the video and doesn’t appreciate the sheer joy of dipping the crispy apron of the fried egg into the tomato sauce of the beans.

We’re all guilty of this stupid phenomenon. Trying to do as many things as we can.

It’s crap. Rubbish. Pointless.

The past few weeks, I have struggled writing my book. Really struggled.

I want a clean house. But I want to write a book.

I want to spend time promoting our Youtube channel. But I want to walk the dog.

I want to spend time with my daughter, who, right now, is like a young colt kicking and screaming to be let off the training rope so that she can gallop to a big city and wear black kohl eyeliner. But I want to make some money.

I have been trying to do it all. And what have I done? Not much.

So last week I made a decision. To focus on one thing at one time. 

No more beans and Youtube for me. No sir. 

One hour, one thing. 

And it’s working. The stress has lifted. I feel more productive as opposed to a rabbit trapped in the headlights.

If you’re struggling with the same thing, try this:

Get a sheet of paper. List all of the things that you need (or want) to do. Allocate a time for each. Do NOT let one bleed into the other. Focus solely on what you are doing, even if that task is mundane. Slow down. Be realistic, and be kind.

And never forget that beans make you fart.

Liz x

Quote That I Love: It seems to me that one of the great luxuries of life at this point is to be able to do one thing at a time, one thing to which you give yourself wholeheartedly. Unitasking. – Author: Michael Pollan

PS: If you enjoyed this post and would like to sign up for my weekly newsletter where I share lots more content like this (including how to do really scary stuff like what you used to when you were seventeen)…SIGN UP HERE!

PPS: If you have been following this podcast for a while, then you will know that we have just returned for six months in Europe and Asia. While we were there, we did a lot of housesitting. We are constantly asked how we did this and if we can share the website that we used. So here it is:

The initial ‘looking part’ is free. You can oggle all of the beautiful houses around the world that are waiting for YOU to look after them. Take a sneak peek here! (As I say, looking is completely free, so gander to your heart’s content).

Then, if you are serious about using Housesitting as a tool to travel the world for free (as we do), you can use my exclusive discount code to save yourself 20% by Clicking here.

Still not sure about paying for a Housesitting membership? Remember that the cost of a yearly membership (approx $80 using the discount code above) will be paid back (and more) on the first housesitting night. It really is that simple!

Writing a Book. What it’s REALLY Like.

Writing a Book. What it’s REALLY Like.

If you are thinking of writing a book and are a complete novice like me, you will find this post both hard-hitting and encouraging. 

 

Writing a Book. 6 Months in. How it REALLY Feels.

 

I have been writing my book (even when I say that I still can’t believe it’s true) for six months.

Last week, I finished the first draft. Almost 60,000 words.

Before I started this book writing malarkey, I imagined that it would be romantic. That it would make me feel intelligent and arty and special.

The reality is that I feel like a knackered old donkey.

 

Donkey carrying a load of straw.

This is how I felt after completing the first draft of my book.

 

Here’s how the last six months have been:

 

Step 1:The Approach

 

I am a blogger. I have had a blog for just over three years. So I am used to writing lengthy pieces.

When I began writing my book back in January, I approached it as one massive blog silo. That way, it didn’t seem so daunting.

If you aren’t familiar with the term silo, it’s terminology that bloggers use. It refers to a group of blog posts that relate to the same thing. 

I knew that I wanted this book to be about how it was to travel the world with teenagers, so I told myself that all I had to do was tell a story about each country.

 

Woman writing a book in the garden

Table set, flowers out. Hat on. Now it’s time to get on with writing a book!

 

 

Step 2: So You Have The Idea, What Next? 

So that I had some sort of framework to share, I wrote down every county that we had been to.

I then thought about all of the weird and wonderful things that happened in each of those places.

These notes were all made by hand.

Tessa, my daughter, bought me a beautiful notepad for Christmas, and in it, I keep all of my ‘book idea notes’.

(So in answer to your question, Rachel, no, I don’t have zillions of bits of scrap paper all over the place. My book notes and ideas are all very neatly contained in my extra lovely notebook).

Chapter Length.

Now I had my stories ready to tell; I had to decide on how long each chapter should be.

I contemplated making my stories super short, 500 words each.  Keeping it brief and funny. But if you know me and are familiar with my writing style you will know that I would have struggled. 

But I also didn’t want a huge long-winded War, and Peace sized book. It needed to be something that people could read before they went to sleep or in the bathroom. 

I had found this information on the internet. 

  • books under 100 pages don’t sell very well (lower perception of value)
  • books between 100 and 199 pages sell the best
  • books between 200 and 299 pages sell almost as well
  • books over 300 pages sell the least (that length is a big investment of time)

You can assume about 200 words per printed page as a rule of thumb, so 100-199 pages is 20k-40k words.

Perfect!  I’d write a medium-sized book. I’d aim for 40,000 words.

Initially, I decided on 3000-words per chapter.

Twelve chapters, one story per country.

I then changed that idea to two shorter stories per country. Each story would have approximately 1500 words. 

 

 

A woman sat on a bench Writing a book

Writing ideas for the book.

 

Step 3: Writing a Book. The Process

When I began writing the first draft, I used Microsoft Word. Simply because I like how it is at the bottom of my computer on the link bar, and it is easy to save and edit. It’s an excellent word processor and easy to use.

But three months into writing, I read (I think it was on Quora) that you should never write your first draft of a book in Microsoft Word as it plays havoc with the HTML code. Something like that.

Shit. 

With over 12 chapters already written on Microsoft Word, I promptly copied and pasted each one and put them onto my blog website. I then saved them as drafts. I have a WordPress site that comes with lots of storage. This is where I continued to write the book and where the first draft of my book now lives.

I know nothing about code, absolutely zilch, so I hope that this mistake won’t come back to bite me in the bum when it comes to formating the final edit.

 

Woman Writing  book on a computer

What was that? Do you want to take a photo? Oh, all right then…make sure it takes at least two hours…

 

 

Step 4. The Procrastination Monster

Every day,  I aimed to write at least 250 words of my book. This rarely happened.

There were weeks that I couldn’t even face opening my computer. Those weeks were tough. Painful. Boring.

It was fine once I’d started writing and was in the ‘zone’ (sorry, I hate that word, but you know what I mean), it was starting that was the hard part.

To combat this, I told myself that I’d write for twenty minutes, no more. I lit oil burners. Listened to relaxing music, and I always used a timer. Nothing fancy, just the Google one.

I set the timer at 20 min intervals, and I made sure that when that little alarm bell went off, I’d make a tea or walk outside.

There is evidence to prove that this timer technique works, and I agree. It helps me enormously in productivity.

I’m not going to lie…

But I’m not going to lie, most of the time, writing my book felt like a slog. Doing what you love is fabulous until you have to do it. Then it becomes a chore.

I’d love to tell you that it was bubbles and roses. But it wasn’t. Far from it.

Five and a half months later and the skeleton book was complete.

Please don’t ask me how; I have no idea. The words just sprung out of me. Or were yanked, depending on which way you choose to look at it.

After the first draft was complete, I got straight onto the editing. 

When you’ve cockily told people that you are writing a book and you send them an email each week with your progress, you kind of feel the urge to keep going!

 

Woman in a hat. Writing a book outside in the garden on a computer

Head down and hard at work.

 

 

Step 5: Editing The Book. Attempt #1

 

I thought that editing a book meant re-reading each chapter and working on it. So that’s what I started to do.

Wrong. Nightmare. It certainly didn’t work for me.

Rereading and scrutinising what I wrote months ago was a HUGE mistake.

I wanted to delete the entire thing because I thought it was rubbish.

Perhaps this was a stalling mechanism ( I can go back and rewrite the entire book, and then I won’t have to face publishing it), I’m not sure. All I know is that those first few weeks of attempting to edit was depressing. I criticised everything I’d written and would then spend hours going back and changing it line by line. Horrible.

Two weeks into this process, I realised that I had spent the last six days on the same chapter. And I still wasn’t happy with it.

Knowing that I had another twelve chapters to get through left me feeling overwhelmed and miserable.

So much so that I felt deflated and close to giving up. I would close the computer and wish that I’d never told anyone that I was writing a stupid book.

 

Liz Deacle is despair when writing a book

This is how I felt 99.9% of the time when editing that first time.

 

 

Step 6: Writing a Book. Second Attempt at Editing.

 

I have never paid any money for a course on how to write a book. But, in hindsight, maybe I should. It probably would have saved me a ton of time.

Everything I have learned is what I’ve read from other peoples free blog posts. (Thank you to all of the kind people out there). 

It was while researching how to make editing easier that I found this brilliant piece of advice.

According to Scribe media (who I highly recommend, especially for their podcasts and free info), says that every writer should edit their book like this: 

Editing. A three-step process.

 

# 1: The Make it Right Edit

 

Start with your first chapter and spell check it. Correct the grammar. I use the tool Grammarly. It picks up almost all of my spelling and wild comma mistakes; I love it, it makes me sound far more intelligent than I actually am.

Next, staying with the first chapter, add any “look this up later bits.” Things like names and places. Fill in the deets.

Do this methodically for every chapter in the book. Do not be tempted to jump ahead or to read too deeply. Do not change any words. Not yet. You are there only to correct mistakes and to make sure everything makes sense.

You are working on the bones, not on the flesh.

Even if you know that you’ll cut that sentence later down the line, stay on track.

 

# 2: The Cut a Line, Cut a Paragraph Edit.

 

Time to cut out all unnecessary fluff. Be direct. Get to the point. Quickly.

I’m not up to this bit yet, but I know it will be the most challenging part for me.

I love the sound of my own voice and think that everything I have to say is valid and worthy of being on the page. I  don’t know when to shut up.

I’ll either love this step and feel like a liberated woman, or I’ll be tearing the words from the computer like fingernails. Either way, I’ll let you know how it goes. 

 

#3: Read Aloud To a Real-Life Person Edit. 

Gulp. Next will be to find someone to sit and listen to you. They are not there to give their opinion, only to listen. 

By doing this, you can catch a hundred more errors. Tucker Max (a famous author) says: ‘Hearing yourself speak your words forces you to notice bad or strange phrasings.’

As I said, I’m not up to this step yet. I will write a follow-up post. A part two and let you know how it went.

 

Conclusion. 

Writing a book (at least the first draft) wasn’t as easy as I thought it would be. 

I had imagined that it would be similar to writing twelve blog posts. But I was wrong. It was completely different.

When you hit publish on a blog post, you get to choose if (and to who) you want to promote that post. With a book, it’s there in people’s hands.  In the shop. On the shelf. You can’t very well say, ‘here’s the book, but can you give chapter eight a miss? It’s not that funny.’

I knew that it had to be good. And at least a little bit funny, so the pressure increased.

I also thought that writing twelve chapters would take me no longer than three months. But it took double that time.

And then I dreaded the editing.

Finishing that first draft and knowing that I had to go back over the whole thing and read and tear it apart was overwhelming. I couldn’t face the thought of it. I felt like throwing the towel in.

I was ecstatic when I found the three method editing process. I work far better with small manageable tasks, and I now feel that I can go forward carefully and manageably.

The three-step editing method has taken away the dread and has given me the push to continue with my book. I no longer feel as though I have a massive mountain to climb.

 

Liz Deacle smiling after sharing the story of writing her book.

I hope this gives you an insight into what it has been like to write a book!

 

I hope this had given you a deeper insight into what the book writing process looked like for me. Let me know if you liked knowing all of this stuff and if you have any other questions. I am happy to answer them.

Ok then,  back to the editing…

Liz x

 

PS: When I came up with the stories for my book, there were far more than two for each county. So I might write a sequel.
Actually no. Forget that.
If you want to hear those stories, then bring a bottle of wine to my house, and I’ll share them with you.
 

Related posts that you may enjoy:

Changing my life at 48 so as be location independent

How travel changes you. If you want it or not.

 
 
Marriage, Menopause and One (Big) Mistake.

Marriage, Menopause and One (Big) Mistake.

If you are looking for tips on working from home with your spouse then you might definitely certainly want to listen to this podcast.

For sure.

Dealing with being together 24/7  is a regular conversation at our dinner table. We have been working together (on and off) as husband and wife – both from home and out of the house – for the past twenty-five years.

And we haven’t yet killed each other.

Notice how I said yet. 

 

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Are You Considering Moving To New Zealand? 

Do you wonder what life in New Zealand is (really) like?

Do You LOVE New Zealand & dream of moving here one day? Sign up HERE and I will send you my FREE Moving to and Living in New Zealand Guide. A 5 Part Video Series!

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When Your Child Leaves Home (& You Fall Apart)

When Your Child Leaves Home (& You Fall Apart)

My son is leaving home.

In two weeks time my boy, my firstborn, Sonny, who I adore more than life itself is leaving our home and going to live in a flat with two other guys.

To say that I am heartbroken is an understatement.

Every day, for the past two weeks I have woken up with a tight clenching knotty feeling in my stomach. It’s hideous. Like a Rotweiller that refuses to let go.

I get out of bed and go into the bathroom and I sit on the loo and cry my eyes out quietly.

I don’t know if this is normal. This reaction. Probably not. This has never happened to me before so I don’t know. All I do know is I wasn’t expecting to feel like this.

I have never understood the term ’empty nest syndrome’.  Not until now, at least. 

I used to look at other mothers who still have their kids at home past the age of twenty and think they were a bit weird. That kid needs to move out. Cut the apron strings.

But now it’s happening to me and I feel as though my world is falling apart.

He’s not even going far. Only into town. He’ll be right there. But I don’t care. He’s leaving.

And yes, I hear you, Tessa, when you tell me that he will probably be home again in two months.

And thank you, my sweet girl, you are mature past your years. 

But right now I can only see today and I am terrified of being without my entire family unit. It has always been us four. Always. I can’t bear it.

Two weeks of feeling like this. But you didn’t know, did you?

Of course, you never knew. Because I didn’t tell you. 

You may have seen me on TikTok or on Facebook. You may have read my chatty emails. And you didn’t know that these past 14 days I have been putting on a big fake front to hide the fact that my heart is breaking in two and all I want to do is take my family and run far, far away.

“He had to go some time. They can’t stay forever. You wait until he’s been gone a week, He’ll soon realise which side his bread was buttered”.

I don’t care. I don’t care. I don’t know if any of these things are true but still; I don’t care.

I probably won’t publish this post, this string of jumbled words that I am typing rapidly on my keyboard with tears streaming down my face.

But if I do, it will be for one reason only.

Because I want you to know that the person who smiles or waves at you from across the street, or sends you a happy emoji on Facebook? That person who cut you up at the roundabout or ignored your friend request? They’re probably going through shit.

They probably woke up crying.

They probably sat on the loo at eight o’clock in the morning and wished it was bedtime.

They’re probably going through a huge change and adjustment. Feeling like their world is ending.

So please remember. We are all the same.

It happens to us all. Noone is immune to sadness. It’s shitty and it hurts and it’s horrible to go through. Let’s always strive to be kind.

 

 

 
2020. How Was It For You Darling??

2020. How Was It For You Darling??

The last podcast episode of 2020!

And what a year…because I am a nosey parker who likes to know everything about everyone I thought you might appreciate it if Brian and I opened up and shared with you what 2020 has been like for us.

A husband and wife living with two teenagers down here in New Zealand.

 

Would You Like To Join Our New Zealand Community?

Are You Considering Moving To New Zealand? 

Do you wonder what life in New Zealand is (really) like?

Do You LOVE New Zealand & dream of moving here one day? Sign up HERE and I will send you my FREE Moving to and Living in New Zealand Guide. A 5 Part Video Series!

SIGN UP NOW!

 

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