Getting The Doubters on Board. Homeschooling Course

by Liz Deacle | Travel

There you are. All set to go.

Confident in your abilities (well, at least feigning confidence – and that counts for something), excited to tell the world of your plans to homeschool.

And then bang.

You find yourself up against a big unfriendly wall of resistance from someone who you love.

(If it makes you feel better, I don’t know of any homeschoolers who began their journey with every member of their family circle onboard).

Certainly not me.

Dealing With Anti-homeschooling Family Members 

I remember being both nervous and excited about disclosing to my Father-in-law that we had made the decision to homeschool the kids.

Knowing only too well the kind of person that he was, I made sure that I went to him armed with as much ammunition as possible. Well prepared with a brain full homeschool statistics and success stories.

But I never got the chance to say any of them. Not on that day at least. 

Within three seconds of announcing ‘we are homeschooling the children,’ I was bombarded with his preconceived, ignorant (and quite frankly, rude) opinions:

‘You’re bound to fail, you’re not a teacher, you’re ruining their chances of getting a job, they won’t know how to live in the real world, they’ll have no friends, etc, etc.‘

After he had finished telling me what he thought, I returned home feeling battered and bruised and with my not so-confident-now tail between my legs.

After I had sobbed for a few days – wracking my brain as to how I could make my children’s grandfather change his mind about my capabilities, it suddenly struck me.

Who cares what he thinks? What does it matter what anyone thinks?

And I want you to consider the same.

The people who judge you are not the ones who get to make choices for your children. Neither are they the ones who will live with the results of the actions. 

Only you and your husband get to do that.

If a family member does not agree with your decision to homeschool, then that’s their choice.

Gently explain that you respect their opinion but that you feel differently and that you (and the children) would appreciate their support.

If they can’t offer you that support then so be it.

You’re moving on and up.

Dealing With An Anti-Homeschool Spouse

Dealing with a husband (or partner) who isn’t 100% pro-homeschooling is an entirely different kettle of fish.

The decision to homeschool your children is not one to be taken lightly and it is a great deal easier when both of you are on the same page.

Or at the very least reading the same book.

If you are currently experiencing resistance form your husband around your choice of homeschooling, know you are not alone.

Tips For Getting Your Other Half on Board

Firstly, don’t despair.

However big the brick wall may seem there will always a ladder propped up nearby.

And that ladder usually comes in the form of time, facts and lastly – proof.

8 Steps to take when dealing with an anti-homeschooling spouse.

• Take it one step at a time. Suggest a homeschooling trial for two terms (preferably a year – it takes that long for things to settle) and after that, if positive results aren’t visible then you can all reassess. (don’t worry. They will be).

• Make sure that all conversations you have around homeschooling are discussions and not arguments. Keep calm, you do not want the topic of homeschooling to be associated with conflict.

• Be honest about your expectations. Make a list of the pro’s and con’s and look at them together.

• Talk to each other about your own public school experiences. The pro’s and con’s and how things would have been different had you been homeschooled.

• There are many homeschool conferences (that are streamed live) available to attend. Here’s one that you could both check out together.

•  If possible, have your husband listen to a male speaker at these conferences. Hearing success stories from other dad’s might what your husband needs to convince him.

• Have your partner listen to the podcast family man. The host is funny and informative and speaks to homeschool dads in a light-hearted way.

• The hugely popular TED talk by Ken Robinson – do schools kill creativity? Would be another inspiring speech for him to watch. 

Be prepared to compromise. If you have used all of the above tips and your husband is still not convinced try and reach a compromise. 

Suggest that you might pay (if this is within your means) for a tutor (many math tutors offer private one on one lessons on a weekly basis) or enrol your child into a recognised accredited programme. If only for the subjects that your husband is having concerns with.

If your husband isn’t keen to homeschool because of financial reasons, then talk about the ways that you can make cuts and changes.

Go through the list of jobs that I provided with this course and see if you could take one to help supplement your income.

Point out the school costs that will no longer be incurred should you choose to homeschool. (Fees, lunch money, bus fares, gym kits etc.).

Lastly, don’t give up. Be persistent.

Keep communicating.

Homeschooling your children must be a joint decision and the reason for such resistance may go deeper than you first imagined.

Remember that lots of men (and women) don’t like change.

That’s understandable. Try to be empathetic towards this.

And there may be many other things at play here.

If you can comprehend and sympathise with each obstacle your partner is struggling with, it will make for a stronger relationship as you enter into this new phase of life together.

Fear of failing. (After two terms you can both assess the results.

Fear of success —yes, this is a genuine fear. If your husband sees you as a successful homeschooler, could this undermine his position within the household? (Explain that this needs to be a team effort. What could your husband/partner teach the children? What are his strengths? What does he excel in? Point out that he would now get the chance to teach these skills to your children).

Fear of standing out. Fear of being different. (Meet up with other homeschooling families – there are lots out there!)

Fear that he may lose his wife to a pair of blue dungarees and a mound of craft materials!! (I’ll leave this one to you!)

Many homeschooling fathers begin their journey with resistance, doubt and fear but given time, they almost always warm to the new way of life.

Especially when they see the results.

The proof will be in the pudding. 

So go and gather your ingredients mama and begin to prepare for your banquet.